Wednesday, March 9

Yesterday morning we went to the gym.  He did the arm cycle and then got on the stationary bike.  He kept pushing the controls and thoroughly messing with the programming (he does the same thing with the TV remote).  I tried to do the programming for him and he yelled at me "Leave it alone!".  First time he has gotten upset in quite a while.  He managed to set the bike on a very high resistance and consequently was thoroughly worn out at the end of his 15 minutes and insisted we come home without doing the third exercise.

Today Marsha came and I was able to do some errands.  I was on my way to the bank to find out what to do about a lost safety deposit key when I was stopped by the police.  I was ticketed for an expired inspection sticker and not wearing my seat belt.  Since I had no idea it was expired and always wear my seatbelt we have to conclude my brain in not in gear.  After that I went to the bank, pulled into the lot and completely broke down crying.  I want to think it was because it is the first ticket I have had in 25 years but maybe just because I am holding everything in.

I had not shed a tear since this journey began.  I kept telling myself "I can do this, it is going to be OK".  In the past couple of weeks I have sliced my finger, tripped and fallen, lost my safety deposit key, failed to get the car inspected and THEN got a ticket. All of these events are small things but if you knew me you would know that I am normally meticulous and organized.   I attribute all of it to the impossibility of concentrating, staying in the moment and taking care of business.  I just feel so "scattered".  Must get it together.

I had lunch with a friend today.  Her father had dementia so she has a good understanding of the challenges.  We talked a lot about all of it but decided next time we will talk about a book or movie or our latest purchase or something normal.  I like that idea.

Cowboy has had the hiccups a number of times in the past month.  Prior to that I can never remember him having them even once.  Something on a medical show on TV was talking about hiccups and said that they can be caused by a stroke.  I wonder if they will continue.  They are fierce and loud and probably uncomfortable.