Friday, December 13

I wonder if we "make big" over the holiday season just to keep from getting the mid-winter blues.  Seems like there is too much going on.

Last Sunday night I played with a keyboardist at the Christmas party for the neighborhood.  I have to admit it was a great party.  Good food, over 100 people and I had a good amount of wine.  Everyone seemed to enjoy the musical presentation.  It was mostly put together by the keyboardist who is a former music teacher and very talented at this sort of thing.  We did a special Texas version of the 12 Days of Christmas and the audience loved it.

Monday we went to the home and played the same program for the men in the memory unit.  We passed out little bags of goodies and tried to give them all a hug.  It went very well.  We stayed and had lunch with Cowboy and then headed on home.

On Tuesday I played at the local senior center with the dulcimer group.  There were more in our group than those present.  I am sure that was because it was downright cold outside.  But they enjoyed themselves and we did too.

After we were done I went to the Souper Salad to get a plate of vegetables.  You never get enough when you live alone and I try to do this every now and then.  I was going in and I tripped over a stupid cement barrier that they use to keep the cars from barreling into the buildings (I guess).  Got a skinned knee and came away a little sore but no real harm done.  Call me lucky.  I sure felt stupid though.

Wednesday I went to lunch with some close neighbors who are good friends and we went to a local eatery that was really good, then we hit some new stores in the area.  I ended up buying a Santa and two trees as a replacement for the regular tree.  I just can't handle setting up a big tree anymore but I really like my new Santa.  He is about 3 feet tall and the two trees are about 4 foot tall.  Who says you have to have a tree anyway?

Thursday I went to the home to see Cowboy.  He was feeling pretty chipper but it was too cold to go out so we mostly stayed in his room and visited and watched TV.  I talked with some of the wives for a bit.  We are planning on decorating the tables a bit for Christmas and trying to make things festive.  I am chipping in, as well as several other wives.  We are kind of becoming a "club" all our own as we try to support each other through this trying time.

Today I slept in, much needed.  Then I got up and got dressed up and went to lunch with the neighborhood ladies to a "brewhouse" called TJ's.  It was very good and we had a good time.  Then I headed down to Barnes and Noble to pick up some gifts for the grandchildren.  The traffic was awful and when I started home there was a wreck in front of us on the interstate and it took forever to get home. ...and it was raining !  Why do we humans torture ourselves this way?

Have dulcimer practice in the morning and then hope to get some cards done and make a shopping list for my cooking.  The kiddos like my fudge and sugar cookies so I always try to do that.

Sunday, December 8

There are opposing theories about the best way to deal with the emotional toll when one has a loved one with dementia.  It was discussed at our support group and the recommendation of finding peace and spending time meditating was suggested.  I couldn't quite agree because my way of dealing with just about everything is to stay really busy.  It seems to keep away brooding and feeling sorry for myself.

I may be approaching this the wrong way.  Admittedly I bit off way too much for the holiday season and find myself feeling overworked and physically challenged.  But I have always felt that keeping really busy was a good thing.

But I never been faced with "anticipatory grief" before and perhaps it is a different kind of emotional landscape that requires a different approach.  Not sure, am thinking on it.  I have decided to try something else.  It is developing in my brain right now and I am not sure exactly what my days should look like but I know for sure they are not going to look like they do right now.  More to follow.

I went to see Cowboy on Thursday because bad weather was predicted as coming in on Friday.  It was late in the day and I didn't stay too long but we had a nice visit.  Too cold to go out but we sat in the common room and talked to people part of the time.

On Friday, it was really cold and wet out but I got up and went and got a haircut at 8:30AM and then played a gig with the band at a adult day care at 10:30.  We were supposed to play with the dulcimer group Friday night at the museum but it was cancelled due to the weather.

Yesterday I went to dulcimer practice and then spent the rest of the day at home.

This morning I made peanut butter cookies to take to the home tomorrow.  I have prepared little gift bags.  They have chocolate kisses, a candy cane and some lotion.  A friend is bringing more cookies.  Just about have it all ready to go.

I am going to have to get ready for our neighborhood party in a few minutes.  I will be helping with the decor and setting up to play after our dinner.  It should be fun but my back hurts from all this chasing around and loading and unloading my gear.  I see pain meds coming up momentarily.

Wednesday, December 4

I have been "chasing my tail" for the last few days.  Two different practices on Saturday, went to see Cowboy on Sunday then another practice Monday afternoon.  My brain is crazed.  Took the wrong music to my practice on Monday.  That's what happens when you are playing three different sets of music with three different groups.

Cowboy was doing well yesterday.  I went to the base to pick up my glasses that were ordered and picked up a few things at the PX and then headed over to see Cowboy.  Got there in time for lunch.  It was a beautiful day.  The coleus has bit the dust but the other flowers are still going.  It is supposed to freeze on Friday so that will probably do everything in.

Had another practice last night.  This is all way too much.  Not doing it next year.

This morning I went and picked up the forms to apply for a passport, bought stamps for my Christmas cards,  returned a blouse I bought the other day because it had a hole in it, dropped off a box of books was donating to the library and then went and got a manicure and pedicure.  Am going to be on display this next few days so thought I better tidy myself up.  Have a haircut appointment early Friday AM.  Does all of this mean I am "high maintenance".  Lordy I hope not, I hate that idea.

I am thinking will go see Cowboy tomorrow after we play because the weather is supposed to turn bad the next day.  They are talking sleet, etc.

Thursday, November 28, Thanksgiving

I went to the home this morning and the traffic was terrible.  It took two hours to get there.  Lots of visitors today and a fair number of little ones running about.  We had a nice meal.  Turkey and all the trimmings.  I had a piece of pecan pie.  Cowboy was in a pretty good humor.  We called his daughters and got to talk to the older one.  Left a message for the other.  She has a 12 year old and  9 year old triplets so is one busy lady.

The residents were served by a group called the "Combat Veterans Association".  Lots of young men were delivering the trays and helping those that needed help eat their meal.  Some seemed uncomfortable and not sure how to do it but it was heartwarming to see their efforts.  Their wives and children were there with them, all with vests or shirts on identifying their organization.  Can't say I was familiar with this group but I felt it was really special that they took the time on Thanksgiving to join us and show their appreciation in this way.
They had an area set up with pretty table decorations for the guests and family members and were serving on the buffet line.  It was a nice day.  I came home about 4 and have been doing little but watching a little TV.  Do feel a little tired.

Since it is Thanksgiving thought I would tell you some of the thoughts in my mind

I am grateful that I am healthy   I am grateful that I have a comfortable home, a good car, and enough resources to live comfortably.  I am grateful for my family and my friends that are so supportive.  I am especially grateful that Cowboy is content, comfortable, well fed, well cared for and not in pain.  I am grateful for the wonderful staff at the VA home and their positive, cheerful attitudes.

Several years ago I was managing a group of young people who tended to complain a lot about nothing..   Thanksgiving rolled around and I sent out an email reminding them that we live in the most wonderful country on the earth.   They enjoyed a better standard of living, better medical care and more opportunities than 90 percent of the population on this globe. I reminded them that they never had to go to bed hungry.   If they had someone to love and someone to love them and could get out of bed in the morning, they were blessed.  I believed it then and I believe it now.  Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Wednesday, November 27

I did something yesterday I had not done in a while.  I just got up and left the house and spent the day wandering around some stores and doing a bit of shopping.  There were lots of people out, I guess beating the Black Friday rush.  Lots of kids running around everywhere.  While I was at the mall I stopped for a slice of pizza.  At the table to my left was a little girl about 11 or 12.  Then another girl joined her and they were talking in sign language.  Pretty soon the Mom sat down and she was signing too.  Then the Dad arrived and all four of them were signing.  Impossible to tell if one or more of them was deaf but they were really going after it.

At the table to my right there was a grandmother with three kids and she was yelling at them.  Quite an interesting dynamic.  (the pizza was good).

I enjoy the decorations, the people watching and the music and got in a good bit of walking at the mall.

There were plenty of bargains to be had and I came home with a couple of new blouses and two cocoa cups in my china pattern.  They are really cool, with little spoons.

Last night a friend called and I went with her and her husband to see "Last Vegas".  Really cute movie, a bit risque to be called PG but funny.  I didn't eat but one piece of chicken for dinner and then treated myself to popcorn.

I had contacted the handyman on Tuesday and he came after work and got my Christmas down and moved the hoses into the garage.  I think I got that done just in time, is supposed to freeze solid tonight.

After getting a few groceries this morning (remind me never to go to the supermarket again the day before Thanksgiving) I spent the rest of the day unpacking Christmas things, doing laundry and watching TV.  I listened to several Christmas CD's and put some aside to take over to the home tomorrow.

I will be heading over to the home in the morning and spending most of the day.

Monday, November 25

The employee who was going to help me Friday chose not to come because they were calling for a possible freeze.  Said would come Saturday AM early but then he overslept so still have a list of things to get help with.  I think he figured out it wasn't fun to drive 40 miles just to make a few bucks.    He has turned out to be about as dependable as a fellow I used to hire. Good intentions but little follow through.  I have a good handyman that I have used a lot and I will just call him.

I need to get the Christmas down from the attic.  Our neighborhood puts lights on the trees in our front yards and have matching mailbox covers and wreaths.  It makes the neighborhood look really nice.  I am not going to do much inside this year.  Don't have any social activities planned at my house and no one is coming here.  I will be going to Dallas for a few days Christmas week.

I also need to get the hoses stowed in the garage.  I think the rain and cold will probably do the geraniums in but I still want to put them in the garage too.

I went to Dallas Saturday and took the piano to my daughters house.  Her sons unloaded it without any difficulty.  Then we went to my grandsons house and I played with the new baby.  Later we went out to eat.  They were talking about what was going to be on the table for Thanksgiving and what my daughter was bringing and discussing how to make a dynamite apple pie.  Have to admit I felt a little sad that I won't be there but I need to be with Cowboy and not leave him alone.  Great visit.

Came home yesterday a bit tired but happy to have spent time with family.

It is cold, wet and near freezing today and am staying in and working through some piles.  I always seem to have plenty of piles.

If the weather is not too bad tomorrow I am going to get out and do some shopping.

I stopped by to see Cowboy on my way home yesterday.  He was doing fine and the aides reported that he ate a good lunch.   He is unhappy that the weather is too bad to go outside.  We ended up watching "Shrek" on TV.  He was really paying attention and seemed to be enjoying it.  With a freeze expected I didn't stay too long.

They tell me the home really does Thanksgiving up nice and I am looking forward to having dinner with Cowboy.

Wednesday, November 20

Saturday had dulcimer practice and then spent the rest of the day cleaning up after the handyman.  He came Saturday morning and installed the water softener, the microwave and some electrical outlets for me in the closet.

Sunday morning I spent with tea and the paper and then went to see Cowboy in the PM.  We spent most of the time outside.  He walked quite a bit and then he wanted to clean out the flower beds.  Every leaf had to be removed from around the flowers and every leaf on the sidewalk had to go.  Mostly he instructed me what to do.  It was a nice peaceful afternoon.  His cold is better but he continues to cough a bit.  It has to be allergy.

I went to see Cowboy again yesterday in the afternoon and we repeated Sunday's routine.  Nice day.  He is shuffling a lot when he walks but keeps going which is good.  I continually worry he will fall down.

Went to support group at 5.  Only myself and two other ladies last night.  There are some who just don't want to stay after dark and drive.  They really need to change the time.  No meeting in December and then they will try to change the time come January.

A friend and employee from the home followed me home and helped me move some furniture and load the electronic piano into my car.  I am taking it to the grandkids in Dallas.  Between the two of us we managed to get it in the car.  He also put the salt in the new water softener.  He is going to come back Friday eve and help me get the Christmas down from the attic, box up some books and other stuff I can't manage on my own.  He is a sweetie, although a bit different.  Has school age children and needs money.  Seems he is going to fix Thanksgiving dinner for his kids although has never done it before.  I gave him lots of instructions.  Will be interesting to see how that goes.

I am going to stay home today and work on setting up my new dressing area.  We moved Cowboy's clothes to the guest bedroom.  I don't know what to do with all his things but am not going to deal with it right now.  There are hats and boots and stuff that some of the kids might want eventually but I don't think any of them can wear his things and only one likes western things.  I will just worry about it later.

Tomorrow I have a couple of meetings to go to and need to copy some music so will be busy with that.  Will go back to see Cowboy on Friday and leave for Dallas on Saturday and come back Sunday or Monday AM.

I have decided to renew my passport and book a trip or two for next year.  I am not getting any younger and really want to do a few things.  Of course, I have to be prepared to change my plans at any time.